Welcome to this essential guide from our new series!

Living ([sur-vi-ving]) with a Dark Lord

Image&Trenz © Vilinathraxes

This awe- and fearinspiring group of creatures provide- thanks to their often enigmatic personalities- a field of vast research and great personal risk for the researcher. Yet we will not shy from trouble to present you one day a guide of the usual high qualitiy that equips you to spent the day with your Dark Lord of choice maybe not relaxed but halfway safe to survive it ! Before we start it is necessary to divide the Dark Lords into two main groups! Variety A-The more outgoing Dark Lord: Tends to tolerante lesser beings around his person and draws a certain level of amusements from their petty existences and strivings. Can be very cunning and will normally not plan total anihilation of everything except himself. Variety B-The more reclusive Dark Lord: Hates everything that lives, sometimes even himself, and plans to solve that problem in the only possible manner: total destruction. This kind of Dark Lord usually tends to do as much as possible all on his own, despising the company of lessers. Is either a total genious or terribly rich, sometimes both...

Stage I - Elementary
This stage applies to everyone who has never had contact to a Dark Lord before. It gives sound advice for the beginner.

Rules for the Novice:

>AVOID THEM !

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STAGE II - Advanced
This stage shall help the 0,000001% that have survived stage I to prolong their remaining lifetime a little more and also prepare the few
gifted people that will graduate to become an Expert one day.

Rules for the Advanced :

Before you get started- find out which category your Dark Lord is- it may save your life!

>AVOID TO CATCH THEIR ATTENTION (Variety B)
OR
>CATCH THEIR ATTENTION (Variety A)

>BE AS INTERESTING AS POSSIBLE

>MAKE CLEAR WHY YOU ARE TERRIBLY IMPORTANT for the Dark Lord and/or his court

>TRY TO SURPRISE THEM (in a positive manner!!!)

>AVOID INTRIGUES AMONGST the other MINIONS like hell

>FIND THEIR WEAKNESS - even a Dark Lord is "only human" deep down inside.
Find their weak spot and fasciliate your daily life with the Dark Lord greatly...

>APPRECIATE THEM AS AN INDIVIDUAL - showing them that you aren't attracted to the POWER they represent but to their PERSON for
whatever reasons will amuse them in worst case, make you always interesting and will kinda touch them in best case.

>BE SUBTLE, no matter what you do...

>SHOW THEM YOUR RESPECT - but if you can, avoid grovelling- THAT is bound to make them curious.

>BE DIFFERENT from all the other creatures around the Dark Lord

>TRIAL AND ERROR - this method isn't recommended.

>DON'T POUNCE ON THEM - ...What?! It *could* come to ones mind, now, can it? ^_^;;

>DON'T PUSH THEM - if you want them to do something, follow your goal with gentle determination and
BE SUBTLE, let them think it was THEIR IDEA...

>NEVER TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED - what you were allowed to do today can be a deadly error tomorrow...
Dark Lords tend to have quickly changing moods...

>SURPRISE GIFTS - always a good way to make sure they are favourably inclined towards you...
(Author's note: Flowers aren't always recommended, but sometimes they can surely save the day...*g*)


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STAGE III - Expert
Congratulations ! You have already survived more than a year in the close surroundings of a Dark Lord and can't quite imagine a life without them.
There is nothing much left to learn for you, now that you have reached EXPERT-level, merely a guiding last word for the successfully
graduated reader:
Brighten the tedious life of your Dark Lord with occasional, spontaneous displays of affection. In what form that depends of variety and
temper of your Dark Lord, but sometimes a little hug will work wonders...^_~
But don't forget, even the happiest Dark Lord may STILL TURN ON YOU, just because that's what Dark Lords tend to do...

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We hope you have enjoyed our guide-series. People who bought "Living with a Dark Lord" have also bought
"Living with a Nightmare" and "Living with Wraiths", by the same author-
now as special offer at the price of one. Please check out!

Text and idea © Ailanreanter